Check out my tumblr as I'm lazy to update nowadays. But, I will be updating here once in a while too. Cya!

I might get the number of days wrong but let's see if there's any change in me by end of this year.

Boyf is working from 8pm to 8am. We hardly meet now but it's okay. Ini sume sacrifice. Besides that, I'm keeping myself busy since the past few days. And I have to say that I'm pretty impressed and motivated with what I'm doing with myself now. Hopefully I'll getto meet my goals by end of this year. If it happens, Imma reward myself coz I deserve it. All those hard work should have been paid off. I am pretty much determined to achieve my goal more than ever now. I always set my goals but never really achieve it. But this time, I'm really into it coz I have my best friend with me so that we can motivate each other through out the rest of the year. Wish us all the best. So far so good. We will keep on pushing and motivate each other and we will definitely meet our goal. Insya-allah.

I believe I can get through this! :D

Fuck that emoshit. It's probably just my period is coming. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

You know, sometimes, you just can't help but feel lonely. Eventhough you have friends around you, you still feel alone. I can even count the number of friends that are actually there for me and care about me. And it's less than 3. The rest are all merely just friends. Best friends that become just friends that you don't even talk to anymore. I keep looking at my phone just to see if any of them texts me but no. And then, I heard "No one's gonna text you lah." In that situation, that sentence really made me feel fucked up till now. It makes me feel pathetic. I swear I feel like crying but when I think about it, it's no use. Nobody will understand how I feel.

Sometimes I even feel that if I happen to leave anyone of you, you wouldn't even care. I didn't make any changes or impact in your lives and that I'll be easily forgotten no matter how long you've been with me.

I simply hate it when someone mocks me for sharing with them that I'm feeling lonely and all that. It's not funny, at all. There's a reason why I shared it with you. I expect you to understand and comfort me. You don't even know how long I've been feeling like this. There's so many reasons to it that I just can't even say it.

Right now, my mood is fucked up. I just wanna be alone. Even as I'm typing right now. )':

I don't like the way I look. It's like everybody is pretty and I'm not. I feel stupid.

..that pubic hair is considered an exotic pizza topping in certain areas of South America?

Exactly.

Okay so, this year's Raya is, so far, the dullest one ever. Mainly because the hype is not really there or everyone's changed. But I managed to not give a fuck anymore because.. well, I just don't. (: Almost everyone is in their own world and so am I. Just because of one thing then, poof! Everyone's treating everyone differently. Sad to say, I'm no longer close with the usuals. Sedih tu sedih but what to do. I'm avoiding them myself. I don't know. :/

On a much happier or maybe for this case, wtf, note, someone posted on his fb something. I bet it's about me kay. Lemme copy paste it to y'all aite.

"Stupid egoistic girl who doesn't give a chance and yet I see her changing boyfriends every 2-3 months. Not worth showing an ounce of respect."

So anyway, met boyf for two days straight. That boy suke nah tukar2 keje. Please ehh.. Went to Bishan to service my phone before the warranty expires. I forgot there's Sony Ericsson around the corner. I thought the've moved or something so I got angry at him for no reason. 'Coz I thought we've wasted our time travelling from Jurong to Bishan and then thought that the shop's not there and also because he suggested to go Bishan instead of other places. Kesian, tktau pape kene marah. Haha! Had the tightest hug evar! Best okay, I like. Hehe! Cracked my backbone and it actually feels good. Body rase mcm sotong at first but wah! :D I think Namirah called me when I was going up the stairs. I couldn't be bothered to turn back. Hahahah. Sial. But, whatever.

This boy also, everytime tell me to find other guys 'coz he thinks he's not good enough. Eh, please eh. I don't want. For what you want to find others when there's one right in front of you? Btol tak, Wan? You and me together, it's all good.

I love you bby! :D

Frankly, I actually am blessed to have him in my life despite the past. It feels good to have someone to hug and spend time with. It's been a while since I feel this way again. I'm truly content with my life right now. I'm happy to move on with you. :D I love you!

Seriously korang, this year raye meriahnye mcm down sikit ehh. Rase2 mcm 1 week raye je. AFSAL EHH??! =/

Any to the ways, it's not too late to wish you guys Selamat Hari Raya! :D Dah lama tk update blog katakan. Busy tu, ish tkdelah. Cume biase lah, malas. Nothing much to update anyway.

It's Hari Raya and it's the holidays. So far, I've done nothing productive. Planning to find a job. If not, go gym. Run run run macam hamster. Lose weight, gain stamina, pass 2.4, no need run again. Need to work on the sit ups also. Da berat ah perot nk buat ni sume. Haiyaaaaa..

My hair needs to fucking grow long and not thick. LONG!

How ehh.. I've planned so much on what to do during the holidays but later end up not doing any of it. Self-motivation ehh. Besides, I might have a competition going on in the family. I SERIOUSLY CANNOT DEAL WITH IT. I will lose weight and look skinny. Not aneroxic. Just skinny enough to make me look.. not fat. Geddit? I know you do. Seeing people losing/gaining weight actually stresses me out.

Well, right now, I'M FUCKING FAT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING HORRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF. God knows how many people I've already murdered in my mind everytime they talk about weight. I hate it. It'll make me go crazy, silently. I'll go home and look myself differently. If they said I've gained weight, it's as if I'm looking at a whale in the mirror. I swear, I'm not lying, I'm not joking. It's like I'm skinny today and I'll gain 30kg the next day. Sucks okay. I hate the way I look sometimes. Especially when people say this and that. My self-esteem is so.. haiz. I'm feeling fat now just so you know.

Enough of fats. Makes me even more depress. I'm feeling down too. I believe it's period. Sorry, but you're all I have to blame.

Nk tengok gambar legend?

Cute kan Muhammad Rizuan? Taken on February. Hahaha :D

Tkmo stress2 kay laling? You know I love you very much. ^.^

First week of YOG holidays, I have absolute no plans at all. Except for the upsetting fact that I overslept for F1 registration thingy and now I'm at loss. I don't even feel like talking about it. I did set my alarm but I didn't hear it. My sis did, but she pressed the off button and went back to sleep. Outside in the living room. COME ON LAH! Why would I even set alarm during the holidays unless I have something important kan? Ish. I guess I was too tired that I couldn't even wake up. Oh well, not my luck. ):

Then comes the second week of the holidays. Chaotic. It's like all of a sudden there's outings and whatnot. I went shisha-ing with my cousins just now. And will be going again tomorrow with secondary school girls. Then the next day, have a dance practice for my cousins wedding which is next month. Then the following day have to meet up with groupmates to discuss project and the following day will probably go Geylang to get me and my sister's HR costume. I'm not complaining. It's just too kecoh all of a sudden. :D But I'm still happy to get to see my cousins just now. It's been too long since I last saw them. Had our usual laughs. I think my jaw's numb already.

Fizan contacted me again yesterday. I lost his number and I thought he was my cousin. He ajak-ed lepak at 2 friggin' am. IDEK. Whatever.

Muhammad Rizuan bin Mohamed Noor.

He's been missed by his girlfriend. Hasn't been contacting her the whole day.

Help her look for him. Thank you.

Exactly.

I've been feeling emotional nowadays. Every night I would be thinking alot.

Whether if I mean anything to anyone, matter to anyone or even made any form of impact in their lives. If I walk away, would they even feel regretful or a loss to them?

But I couldn't help but think that I'm actually nothing. It's like I'm only born in this world to live and then die. And people wouldn't even know I existed. As much as I try to make people acknowledge my existence, it's always not good enough. I don't know what more I should do to make the people I love as happy as they expected. I want to but it's just that words bring me down too easily. It kinda depresses me alot. And knowing that actually someone I love is not really happy being with me upsets me. I wish I could do more and anything just to make anyone happy but it's like everytime I try, it fails. I don't know what else to do. I'm feeling completely fucked up right now. ):

I just feel that people's lives would be better or the same without me. I'm so insignificant. I won't be a huge loss to anyone.

I'm nothing.

):